Weekender #5: June 6, 2009

A collection of links, news, and oddities that I've come across during the past week.

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Weekender

Rachel of intensify.org has a funny and thoughtful post up about her first organ procurement. No, not a procurement of her organs; she's a med student and she… oh, just go read it.

Linguists determine that Neil Armstrong did not say "One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," when he first stepped onto the moon, thus making him bad at English but good at being first onto large rocks floating in space. Yeah, the grammar bugs me, but I always liked the non-a version better; as the article says, it's just more poetic. Sometimes the rule must give way to the cool.

A Canadian bank refused to help a woman over the phone because she "didn't sound like a Mellissa", meaning that her voice did not sound feminine enough. I actually use this as a weapon against telemarketers, when they ask for my husband Tony and I say, "This is he". It's hilarious to hear people falter and pause as they desperately wonder what to do next, then either hang up without another word or continue uncertainly with their spiel.

Another article about how the modern information media will destroy our morals and turn us into serial killers or baby seal-clubbers or square dancers or whatever. The text is bull, but the picture is great — it's a glimpse of what my future kids will be like.

What do you do when your girlfriend turns down your marriage proposal? You hide the ring and have a treasure hunt, of course! Kudos to this guy for making lemonade out of very expensive, immorally-mined lemons.

A 12-year-old girl, given her parents' car keys to make sure their parking pass was properly displayed, turned the car on and ended up smashing four other vehicles. Obviously, she just was not paying enough attention to how her parents drove; when I was twelve, I was just waiting for an excuse to grab the wheel and show off my observational driving skills.

Sharks to be trained like dolphins at British aquariums. Also related: Deep Blue Sea is now out on DVD. I'm just saying.

A woman in Israel survived being run over by a train, and it was all caught on tape. The news is referring to this as a suicide attempt, although from her demeanor and the place she chose to lie, I have a hunch it was more of a daring prank.

From the Let's Hurt ALL The Animals! Files: snake-bite chicken is no longer the dish of the day; Slate has a good article about Pepper, the stolen dog who changed American science (the last section of the article makes me want to cry and punch someone); the U.S. military still uses animals for simulated battlefield medical training.

From the Animals Get Their Own Back! Files: a woman blames a noisy frog for causing her husband's death; Wikipedia has a list of fatal bear attacks in North America; Sankebetsu brown bear incident (which begs to be made into a movie RIGHT NOW).

Parents, here's a surprise: too much TV may affect your kids' language abilities. I'd say more, but I watched too much TV as a child, as as a result I monkey doodle woo woo wee.

The only thing catchier than Katy Perry's "Hot 'n' Cold"? A Ukranian polka band cover of that same song. And their fashion sense is so much cooler than hers… (via @evilpeach)

If Steve McQueen and Lance Armstrong made babies together, they would turn out like these guys.

You've heard of Heather Has Two Mommies, right? Well, soon you'll be able to read Baby Chick Has Two Daddies And They're Both Penguins, So Suck On THAT All You Animal-Hating Homophobes.

The fugly-ass, hairless mystery creature found washed up on the shores of Montauk, New York may finally have been identified — but it is a FoxNews.com article, so take it with a grain of salt.

Best headline this week: "South Carolina Mom Charged With Concealing 555-Pound Son". Um… where? And how?

GPS shoes for your grandpa: good. GPS shoes for your creepy cousin Jimbo, the one from Georgia who keeps asking you out at family reunions: better. What better way to know where he is at any given time, so you can avoid him?

And here we have the Trifecta of Fail: balloon fail, North Pole fail, survival fail. But as far as entertaining reading goes, it's definitely a win.