I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
George Carlin
My Current Hobbies
July 9, 2008
Wednesday, 11:37 AM
I keep telling myself that I need to get more hobbies or I will become a boring person. Then I thought, “Getting more hobbies sounds too much like work. I’m lazy.” And then I thought, “Hey! Why don’t I just call the things I do every day ‘hobbies’? Then I will have more hobbies and yet I will not have altered my lifestyle one whit!”
It seemed like a good idea at the time, anyway. So here they are, my current hobbies:
Singing to telemarketers.
Actually, singing is my hobby, and I’m usually singing anyway when the telemarketers call, so I just pick up the phone and present the caller with my rendition of Sugar Daddy or Criminal or The Birds and the Bees or whatever. So far, I have met with nervous mumbling and hangups, but I just know that someday I’ll get someone to harmonize with me.
Trying not to follow the Christie Brinkley divorce proceedings.
… and failing miserably, of course, because it is everywhere. Seriously. Tribes in the Amazon Basin who have never made contact with the outside world still know what a dick Peter Cook is. From the amount of news coverage this shindy is getting, you’d think God Himself was a party to the proceedings. I’m trying my best to keep myself well-hidden under my pop-culture-deflecting rock, but somehow I can still tell you exactly what went on in the courtroom today. To top it all off, my iTunes shuffle keeps giving me Billy Joel. Grr.
Guessing if web page backgrounds are in “fixed” position.
I can only say two things in my defense here: 1) YES, I KNOW, I spend too much time online, and 2) it is actually addictingly fun. Try it: load a web page, wait for everything to load, then make an educated guess as to whether or not the background will move with the content when you scroll. I can’t really explain, even to myself, why I always guess correctly—certain layouts just scream “fixed background property!”, I guess.
Coming up with stories for my new mystery series, Jesus is my Private Eye. It’s about Jesus, and he solves crimes.
Which is kind of the best mystery series idea ever, when you think about it. People have come close to doing this, but has any author actually dared to make Jesus their crime-solving protagonist? No. And why not? Doesn’t he know everything? Isn’t he the ultimate authority over mankind? To butcher a famous theological question: Is there a crime so clever that even Jesus couldn't solve it?
Think of it: Jesus, along with his trusty apostle sidekicks, roams ancient Judea solving crimes and defending the innocent. He has the ultimate powers of detection (courtesy of Dad), he can walk on water (great for fishing dead bodies out of lakes and rivers), he has a squad of twelve good men to help him track down clues, and he can bring murder victims back to life and just ask them whodunnit. Now that is awesome.
In my head, though, Jesus is always kind of off about the final solution to the crime, and his apostles are all, “Erm… Lord? That kind of doesn’t add up…. And then Jesus is like, “DO YOU DARE ARGUE WITH THE SON OF MAN?!” and everyone shuts up, even though they still have their suspicions. And then the criminal takes advantage of the general distraction to make a break for freedom, and Jesus knocks him flat with a rain of fishes or turns him into a pig or something. And so justice prevails!
Preparing for my 3-D, special-effects-laden film debut by practicing interacting with non-existent characters (who will be digitally inserted later).
Or, as the old folks call it, “talking to my imaginary friends.”
Pondering that age-old question: If you could invite anyone on Earth to a dinner party, who would it be?
After much internal debate, I settled on Tom Lehrer—he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s up on current events, he has a huge knowledge base, he plays the piano (and sings hilarious songs), and he can make Jell-O shots. In other words, he’s the perfect dinner party companion. Then I asked my husband who he’d take, and without missing a beat he said, “You, of course.” Now I feel guilty.
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Without Feathers is a personal site run by Romy.
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- 9.02.08: What I Did (Not) on My Summer Vacation
- 7.09.08: My Current Hobbies
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