There are certain themes of which the interest is all-absorbing, but which are too entirely horrible for the purposes of legitimate fiction.
The Premature Burial (Edgar Allan Poe)

Wherein There Are Themes

March 21, 2007

The theme of this post is themes—namely, theme blogs, wherein all posts revolve around a single topic (coding, celebrities, cow-tipping *, etcetera). I’ve always had trouble confining myself to themes, in blogging as in life; however, I don’t think I’ve ever seriously considered actually having my own theme blog. Time I considered? Indeed, indeed…

Video Blog

Not until my acne clears up, which is a matter for God and Burt’s Bees.

Knitting Blog

Knitting seems to be very In right now, which you’d think would please me since it’s something I actually know how to do, putting me smack-dab in the center of the In Crowd for once in my misfit life. Frankly, though, knitting sits just above “stringing popcorn on a piece of thread” and slightly below “memorizing famous chess moves” on my personal list of Things That Are Useful But Really Quite Dull, which is why I only knit as an accompaniment to other, more interesting hobbies—reading, watching TV, practicing guitar (no wonder my old six-string’s so scratched up), etc. Reading about other people’s knitting projects is even more mind-numbingly boring, so I wouldn’t inflict my purly postings on you for worlds, my little munchkins. Besides, my knitting blog would undoubtedly look something like this: “Hello, and welcome to my knitting blog! My latest project is a sweater  hat  sock  scarf  potholder  shapeless green thingie  total mess  never mind.”

Web Design Blog

Nnnnno. I’ve always made it a rule to only dispense coding advice to people with the temerity to e-mail me; any coding tips I bother to post publicly are as booby-trapped as a satellite-dish base on Lost. (I was going to say “as an Aleister Crowley spell,” but that would be taking deliberate obfuscation just a wee bit too far. Of course, with my reader base, references to Satanism aren’t that out of place.) Besides, Jem runs what might be considered a Web Design Blog, and I’m not about to step on her toes because she would cut me up into little pieces and eat me for High Tea. Thin little slices of Romy tucked neatly into watercress sandwiches, served on fine china with Earl Grey and ladyfingers… meep.

Craft Blog

Right up there with the Knitting Blog as a way to bore myself and my readers to death—plus it might cause my eminently talented mother-in-law to fall on her crochet hook in despair at my lack of crafting skills. Also, Martha Stewart might find it, and her territorial wrath could be even more terrible than Jem’s. (My bones would probably end up as part of a hand-made mosaic on her bathroom floor, and she’d use my hair to make a sweater. And then she would give the rest of me to Rachael Ray, who would make me into biscuits on her show, which would be like DYING ALL OVER AGAIN.)

Religion Blog

Actually, this could work. I’d have a lot of inspirational material at hand, wouldn’t I? Just the Bible alone could keep my musings going for months: If God forbids incest, then who did Cain and Abel marry? What is it with Paul and circumcision? Since nothing in Leviticus begins with “Simon says”, were we ever seriously expected to follow it? And who else would find it hilarious if Ikea named one of their sink basin fixtures “Moab”? I would get so much hatemail... and yes, I am saying that in a happy way. (I miss my hatemail. People have been so nice and polite lately; I miss the misspelled curse words and strings of exclamation points.)

Political Blog

Hmm, how preppy… but no, because I am essentially a moron with all the political astuteness of an earthworm. I do watch Meet the Press every Sunday, but mostly just to see who’s been to the Bad Politicians’ Toupee Shoppe (inflect that phrase any way you will) and predict whether or not moderator Tim Russert will finally lean too far to the left and fall out of his chair. (That’s not a metaphor; he really does lean. He looks like an angry chipmunk who’s always on the verge of bolting. WHY DOES IT TURN ME ON SO??)

Entertainment Blog

Not this season. I barely watch TV anymore (just Lost and the occasional Dr. Phil, and I don’t think Hawaii Five-O reruns would count for entry fodder), I never see movies within three years of their release, and my recent Anna Nicole Smith entry merely scratches the surface of my hatred for all things (and people) famous. I will, however, take this opportunity to point and laugh at Britney Spears, who has been neglected of late by those who should rightly be mocking her because obviously she is Going Through Something, which… so? If everyone who has Gone Through Something went on Extreme Makeover: Dr. Evil Edition, we’d all look like the Heaven’s Gate cult. And so I will point, and I will laugh. Baldy baldy baldy! Go to the Bad Politicians’ Toupee Shoppe!

Mommy Blog

As a feminist, I think I’m supposed to dislike that term, but frankly it’s the first thing that springs to mind when I come across one of those godawful web pages filled with pictures of messy babies and titled something like “My Little Kingdom” or “One Mommy’s Musings”. These sites are filled with hi-res photos of little Junior pouring his cereal into his diaper, endless lists of the funny things kids say and/or ask, and perky postings about the latest home redecoration job or the family trip to the zoo. Daddy is rarely mentioned at all, and when he is, he’s treated as though he’s another child (…she typed, as her husband tried to balance a can of orange soda on the cat’s head and GOODBYE SECURITY DEPOSIT **).

Fashion Blog

HAHAHA I blog naked. Anyway, a girl who can’t walk in high heels has no business snarking about other people’s fashion fubars.

Photo Blog

My picture-taking abilities are right up there with my abilities as a trapeze artist (translation: non-existant). If you look at any of my family’s photo albums, you’ll be able to pick out my contributions right away: a blurry mess of color here, a thumb over the lens there, a close-up of a French ant, the top of my mother’s head in Paris. (My mother is still cursing me for not getting any decent photos of her at Giverny, to which I say WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THE CAMERA, WOMAN? YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT BY NOW.)

Hmm. On second thought, maybe I’ll just stick with my good old eclectic ramblings…

Footnotes

* Are there any cow-tipping blogs out there? For that matter, are there any cow blogs? March 21: Was sleeping in field when rowdy group of teenagers tipped me over. Got a picture of them on my cell phone as they were leaving. Cross-posted to LJ.

** THIS REALLY HAPPENED. Even the cat was looking at him like, “Are you sure you want to do this? Because I’m a freakin’ cat, and I know better.”

E-Mail Feedback

No HTML allowed
No spam please, I’m vegan

(required)

(required)


(required)

Check this box if you’re not a spammer:

 

« Oldest | ‹ Previous | Next › | Newest »

A snapshot of me (Romy)

Without Feathers is a personal site run by Romy.

Brand Spankin’ New

Allow Me To Recommend…

Tom Swifties
A fun word game.

What Not To Say To A Cop
Mel Gibson has probably used most of these already.

Reload for more!

Some Other Fun Things

Shh! It’s a secret!

I have a Twitter feed.