It’s A Beautiful Day in the NeighborhooCOUGHCHOKEHAAAACK!: March 9, 2006

In which I avoid the particles.

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It’s a beautiful, warm, sunny spring day, the kind where the trees seem extra-tall and the birds seem extra-happy and even the squirrels seem extra-inclined to not run suicidally out into the street, and I would totally be away from my computer and taking a nice long walk IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE GODDAMN AIR POLLUTION WARNING TODAY. For crying out loud, this is St. Paul, city of green trees and clean streets and robins so fat they go pop! in the sun. What’s all this fuss about particles? Enough with the particles already.

I do think they exaggerate these things. I mean, all the pedestrians I’ve seen out my window have made it at least five yards before collapsing in a coughing, spasming heap.

Maybe I shouldn’t be bitching too much about not being able to leave the house — what with all the frightening new species being discovered, I’m not sure I want to go outside. If I was religious, I would take the discovery of hairy crustaceans as a definite sign that the End Times are near. And… rat squirrels? What can I say? To paraphrase Kramer: It’s a rat… it’s a squirrel… it’s delicious!