Learning to Let Go: June 13, 2005
In which I try to deal with Charlie’s death.
Categorized
Yup, I’m back. Can’t say that I’ve fully recovered from Charlie’s death yet — I’ll be officially recovered when I stop getting throat-lumpy every time I see something relating to rabbits. My way of dealing with grief has always been to throw myself into a flurry of physical labor, and that technique has served me as well as it always does. I’ve taken down his cage and thrown away his litterpan, but I can’t bear to part with his stupid little toys, like the plastic gum case we used to play fetch with, and the plastic rabbit cake decoration he liked to toss around. If these mementos weren’t enough, the cat keeps coming into the room where Charlie’s cage used to be and looking around for him, noticeably befuddled beneath her carefully-cool exterior. Breaks my heart, it does.
The finer details of Charlie’s illness are best left for fellow rabbit owners; suffice it to say that when a rabbit doesn’t poop for over twenty-four hours, something is seriously wrong. My family went to two different vets in two days, tried our own home-care remedies, and generally became overnight experts on rabbit constipation. We ended up hospitalizing Charlie overnight; during the night, there was a really bad storm, a storm so loud and windy and noisy that everyone in the Romy household actually hid in the hallway, away from the windows. That storm left me with very mixed feelings — on the one hand, I know my bunny was where he needed to be, and in very good hands; on the other hand, my maternal instincts were telling me that if all my furry creatures weren’t within reach at that very moment, something was very wrong. Maybe this was prophetic, or maybe I was just generally worried. At any rate, the call came the next morning — Charlie had died overnight. Whatever I had been expecting, I hadn’t been expecting that; it felt like a physical blow to the gut.
Many, many crying jags later, I’ve finally reached a point where I can let myself get choked up without losing all control and sobbing like a baby. I’m trying to find some good in this — at least we tried, at least he had a good life, at least he’s out of his pain, blah blah blah. But when you come right down to it, death isn’t good. It’s not bad, either. It just is, and there’s nothing you can do to change that. The sooner you reconcile yourself to that, the sooner you can find peace and move on. As the little green Jedi master says, “Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not.
I’d also like to thank everyone who sent me nice e-mails and comments. It’s at times like this that I realize how many regular readers I have, and I’m always astounded that people actually like this journal and have, in a way, grown to like me, as well. It also amazes me that there are still some people online (approx. 10, apparently) who can actually spell correctly. We should all start a group blog or something, just to show everyone else how it’s done.
On a happier note, I just got word that I’ve been approved as the new owner of the Hawkeye Pierce fanlisting. The current (former?) owner was giving it away, so I sent her an application last month and then gradually forgot all about it. Yes, I have the memory span of a gnat with Alzheimer’s. Anyway, it really lifted my spirits to get that approval e-mail; Hawkeye is one of my favorite characters from any medium, and I hadn’t really held out any hope for actually getting the fanlisting, since I figured there were much better designers than little ol’ me applying for it. I spent a nice day working on the fanlisting’s new layout, and now I get to go look for other stuff to add to the site. Fanfic, anyone?
Well, that’s it for today. I’m off to distract myself with errands and antique-photo-hunting. And maybe a trip to Dairy Queen. Yes, Dairy Queen sounds good…
E-mail Feedback
Tell me what you think! Fill out this form to send me a private e-mail comment.
Fresh Offerings: New & Updated
- Blog: Weekender #14
- Blog: Weekender #13: Home Sick Edition
- Blog: Weekender #12
- Blog: Weekender #11
- Blog: Weekender #10