10.31.03: Halloween Costumes for the Slightly Insane

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
Jean Baudrillard, Astral America

Halloween Costumes for the Slightly Insane

October 31, 2003

When you’re as geeky as I am, Halloween is a pretty big deal. Think about it: you get to shed your geeky persona and become, for one night only, cool. Or, in my case, you think you’re being cool but you’re really only emphasizing your lack of social instincts. Did I really think that Matrix-hacker outfit was a good idea? I looked like Cher on a bad day. Everyone thought I was supposed to be Cher. I had to do imitations all night.

But I digress. My point is: it may be late, but Halloween ain’t over yet. So if you need a costume, here are some ideas...

Courtney Love: Rumpled blonde wig + smeary lipstick + lotsa booze = one fun night! Stripping off your clothes and running naked through the neighborhood is optional.

Rush Limbaugh: Tape empty Oxycontin bottles to a suit and wander around spewing Republican rhetoric until someone shoots you.

The Verizon phone guy: “Can you hear me now? Good.... Can you hear me now? Good....”

Agent Smith: My husband dressed up as Agent Smith for work. Simple outfit; all you need’s a suit, a tie, a pair of sunglasses, and a nihilistic attitude. Hubby spent the entire day referring to his co-workers as “viruses.” Good times.

Martha Stewart: Arrive at a Halloween party with a perfectly-carved pumpkin and a huge fake smile. Slip into depression as the evening goes on; start eating, gain weight, change into a jailbird uniform and sob unconsolably about Oprah and her dirty business-stealing tricks. No one will come near you, but they’ll all remember your costume...