The Phantom (1996) ‹ Bits « Without-Feathers.com

Chaos reigns. There is opportunity in chaos.
Xander Drax, The Phantom
Movie Review

1996 | PG
Reviewed March 24, 2007

Billy Zane stars as the titular superhero, wearing a mask (or is that just his eyeliner?) and a bright-purple bodysuit as he zips through the jungle (both the literal one and the metaphorical urban jungle of New York), fighting injustice and flexing his abs. It’s dashing! It’s daring! It’s… probably the worst comic-book-based film I’ve ever seen (well, except for Swamp Thing). I stopped taking this movie seriously when Zane came crashing through the jungle undergrowth on a white horse with his pet wolf at his side — and that was in the first five minutes. It only went downhill from there, with a plot involving supernaturally-powerful skull statuettes and evil businessmen who want to RULE THE WORLD (don’t they always?), and the inevitable love affair between Mr. Purplepants and a woman who’s known his alter-ego for her entire life, yet can’t even recognize his voice when he’s wearing a mask. Catherine Zeta-Jones shows up as a sexy femme fatale who wants the Phantom for herself; that makes two Titanic connections (she starred in the TV miniseries, and we all know what movie Zane starred in). Normally a movie of this quality gets no stars and a raspberry (phbttt!), but it was so stupid that it was actually funny, and it kept me in stitches for the entire runnning time — I laughed so hard I cried, in fact. If you’re into so-bad-they’re-hilarious movies, give this one a spin; otherwise, rewatch Batman Begins.