Lady in the Water ‹ Bits « Without-Feathers.com

My god, this is like a moment from a horror movie. This is precisely the moment where the mutation or beast will attempt to kill an unlikable side character. But, in stories where there has been no prior cursing, violence, nudity or death, such as in a family film, the unlikable character will escape his encounter, and be referenced later in the story, having learned valuable lessons. He may even be given a humorous moment to allow the audience to feel good about him. This is where I turn to run. You will leap for me, I will shut the door, and you will land a fraction of a second too late.
Harry Farber, Lady in the Water

Lady in the Water

Movie Review

2006 | PG-13
Reviewed April 21, 2007
Rating: 0 stars

What is there to say about a movie whose “bedtime story” plot revolves around magical creatures called narfs and scrunts? And no, this is not a comedy; director M. Night Shyamalan wants you to take it all seriously. Dead seriously. Which is hard, because every time I heard “narf” I thought of Pinky and the Brain… Anyway, plot: A group of people living in a run-down apartment building find themselves involved in a cosmic struggle between good and evil when a narf named Story (eep, Pinky and the—sorry) visits them on a mission to “inspire” her chosen “vessel” and thereby change the destiny of humanity. But wait! The evil scrunts are trying to kill her! Can she be saved? It actually sounds kind of interesting when I read it like that; unfortunately, seeing is on film is definitely not the same. The same stilted dialogue that marred The Village is back with a vengeance in this film (why is supernatural wisdom always denoted by an unwillingness to use contractions?), and the characterizations are so broad and stereotypical that they border on racist. Interestingly, one of the characters is a movie critic, an unlikeable and self-righteous little man whom the director obviously takes great pleasure in tearing apart (literally)—Shyamalan’s revenge against the critics who bashed The Village, apparently. M. Night, who usually makes a brief cameo appearance in all of his movies, gives himself a meatier role as the “vessel”, the author who will be inspired by the narf. At one point, wondering about the effect his narf-inspired book will have on his own future, he asks Story, “Will they kill me for writing this?” Well, killing’s a bit extreme, Mr. Shyamalan, but I do want my money back.