I’m a paranoid schizophrenic. I’m my own entourage!
– Eddie, America’s Sweethearts
Reviews – Movies: A
RATINGS KEY
0/5 – Terrible. Not worth the eyestrain.
1/5 – Bad. Only watch it if there’s nothing else on TV.
2/5 – Okay. It’s not bad, but it’s not good either.
3/5 – Average. Rent it and watch it once.
4/5 – Good. Worth watching a few times (or even buying).
5/5 – Excellent. Watch it, buy it, quote it, love it.
Aeon Flux (2005)
1/5 | Reviewed 9.21.06
In the far-distant future, where everyone wears sexy catsuits and has funny hair, there will rise a hero... a hero with funny hair who wears a sexy catsuit. Charlize Theron, fresh out of Monster, sheds the frumpy serial killer look for the stylish serial killer look, kicking butt and taking names as Aeon Flux, an acrobatic super-assassin who’s out to kill the leader of her government, because he’s bad and he killed her sister and... oh, wait, hang on, he might actually be good. Or something. Don’t ask me; I lost the thread of this plot less than halfway through, when the movie swung perceptibly from “stupid, but with good fight scenes and lots of futuristic eye candy” to “stupid, period, end of sentence”. I’m at a loss as to how an MTV movie could bag so many good actors (although I can kind of see why Sophie Okonedo took the part, because hands-for-feet = cool). Maybe it was the highbrow cast that made this movie think it could be more than just a cheesy throwaway based on an MTV cartoon. I’m only giving this movie any points at all because of its visual style; other than that, it’s just a waste of good actors. And sexy catsuits. And funny hair.
Alibi (2003)
5/5 | Reviewed 3.24.07
Hired to cater a party, Marcie (Sophie Okonedo) accidentally leaves her bag at the house and has to return for it, only to discover Greg (Michael Kitchen), the man who hired her, standing over the freshly-dead corpse of one of his guests. Greg insists it was an accident, and his protestations of innocence sway Marcie to help him dispose of the body and cover up the accident—and, as it turns out, she’s none too bad at cover-ups. But what really happened that night—and will they be able to keep their stories straight in the face of a police investigation? It’s a fascinating premise, and one of the oddest, most interesting murder mysteries I’ve ever come across. Marcie’s grace under fire and unnatural knack for lying are completely at odds with her awkward appearance—and with Greg’s fits of fear and neurotic emotional turmoil. They make an odd pair, but the tenuous relationship that forms between them is both charming and believable. I honestly had no idea where this movie was going from scene to scene; there were enough twists and turns that I couldn’t predict where it would end up—and yet, it was both easy to follow and completely engrossing. The whole thing is laced with a sweet and cheeky sense of humor, with little glimpses into the characters’ lives and motives. A lovely little gem of a movie that should be on every mystery-lover’s shelf.
America’s Sweethearts (2001)
4/5 | Reviewed 2.10.07
I happened across this while channel-surfing on a Saturday afternoon, thought, “Romantic comedy—urgh,” and went to turn it off... but then I noticed the familiar faces popping up (Stanley Tucci, Billy Crystal, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jon Cusack, that guy from Newsies, etc.) and changed my mind. After all, it couldn’t be too bad with such a good cast (Julia Roberts notwithstanding). I’m glad I stuck around, since this is a nice little movie that I would otherwise never have found. For once, I found a romantic comedy that didn’t make me gag; it’s clever, compelling, and yes, it is cute. Cusack and Zeta-Jones are excellent as a modern-day Pickford and Fairbanks whose celebrated marriage is circling the drain; with a new film coming out, their studio wants them to distract the media from the movie (which may or may not be finished) by appearing together at a press junket and hinting at a reconciliation. Even Roberts (who is, in my mind at least, ridiculously overrated as both an actress and a beauty) held up her end of the film as Zeta-Jones’s servile, sensitive sister/assistant (assisterant?), who has long carried a torch for the maltreated Cusack. Despite the obligatory love story (wouldn’t be a romantic comedy without the romance, right?), the movie is quite cynical and biting, skewering Hollywood in general and Hollywood romances in particular. I’m actually planning to rent this again, so my family can watch it too. It’s definitely worth the time.
