Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.
– anonymous police officer
What Not To Say To A Cop
Thank God I’ll never have to use these—I’m not a driver, so I’m off the hook! (Of course, I do jaywalk once in awhile—hmm, better start memorizing these...)
- “I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.”
- “Sorry, officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.”
- “Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?”
- “Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!”
- “Are you Andy or Barney?”
- “I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.”
- “You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?”
- “I pay your salary!”
- “Gee officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!”
- “Do you know why you pulled me over?... Okay, just so one of us does.”
- “I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that’s how far ahead of me they are.”
- When the officer says “Gee, son... Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” you probably should not respond with, “Gee, officer... Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?”
