Which Snape Are You?: Quiz

1. Morning! Time for breakfast in the Great Hall. You:
    consider spiking everyone’s goblets with cyanide, but decide against it—cyanide’s too quick for them…
    glare at Potter and plot your revenge. Revenge for what? Oh, you’ll find something…
    don’t eat, don’t talk, and don’t make eye contact. Who says no man is an island?
    try to guess who’s playing footsies with you: Minerva, Sybil… Hagrid?!
    discreetly scratch at your wig and long for the warmth of your trailer—er, chambers.

2. First class of the day, and already Neville Longbottom’s blown himself up again. You:
    knew he was going to do so, but let him mess up anyway—you're in a bad mood, and you need a scapegoat.
    are painfully reminded of the time you and Lucius blew up that kitten, just for fun…
    keep him and Potter after to clean up—Potter may not have done anything, but he still needs to be punished...
    threaten, in your silkiest tones, to put him over your knee and thrash him—wait, why is he blushing?
    are sorely tempted to smack him, but are too busy fussing with your wig, which keeps sliding over your eyes.

3. You come across Malfoy and Potter squaring off in the hall. You:
    turn them both into gerbils and bounce them down the hall. Mrs. Norris can take it from here…
    turn Potter alone into a bouncing rodent—after all, Malfoy’s father never called you “Snivellus.”
    have a childhood flashback as you watch Malfoy dangling Potter upside-down in midair. Children can be so cruel…
    threaten to whip out your wand and punish them thoroughly—and they know you’ll take your time with it, too…
    can’t curse them properly because you can’t pronounce those funny words. (Arvada Kevlarda…?)

4. Ouch! The brand on your arm is throbbing again. You:
    gleefully prepare yourself for a night of torture, murder, and mayhem. Woohoo!
    grumble at having to go visit Voldemort again. Why does he always summon you?
    muse on your bad life choices and sin-spotted soul, then curl up in a corner for a good cry. Life is so unfair…
    tie yourself to your bed to keep from thrashing about in agony—conveniently forgetting that Miss Granger’s coming by for a private lesson…
    yell for the makeup artist—surely the paint shouldn’t burn like this…

5. Bed time at last! What will you dream of tonight?
    Potter being molested by Dementors. (ha.)
    Potter being molested by Dementors. (ha ha!)
    The time you were molested by Dementors. *sob*
    The time you were molested by Dementors. *giggle*
    Sunshine and bunnies and Dementors—er, Teletubbies.

6. Final question: Are you evil?
    “Yes, but society made me this way...”
    “Yes… no… maybe…” [sob]
    “Avada Kedavra!”
    “Evil? No. Naughty? Quite...”
    “What? No! This interview is over!”